10 reasons why he’s not “The One”

One of my newest closest friends helped me think of this topic as we were laughing over silly old relationships and our pre married/dating online selves. Before we knew better- it’s no offense, but it can be brutal and thesse are just some seriously basic guidelines while they may be funny; they are real and they mean something so read and pay attention.

1. If your friends don’t like him and have legit reasons (even if they don’t usually it’s a sign..)
If they say things like “I have a bad feeling about him”, then you must listen to them. Those gut responses especially from those we love and trust most are right on the money. Possible dealbreakers here: has no job, no home, no means of income, is a lazy deadbeat or has a lot of personal problems (family drama, baby mama drama, a record or other serious isues). Yes this seems pretty easy but what’s the number one thing we women do- we fix men or like to think we can, you never will so STOP NOW and move on to someone who’s worth your time and energy.

2.You have more bad days than good ones
You fight day in and day out, all the time, over big stuff, little stuff-it doesn’t matter. Around your friends and family, you never make up and it makes for tension in the relationship. It’s a hard rut to be in- if  you are circling the drain everyday… counseling could help but it’s up to you to descern whether it is worth your love and energy.

3. If you bought your own engagement ring (literally out of your pocket) 
Okay this might seem funny to you, but I’m including it because this happened to me. At the time, I never thought it was a big deal since we’d be together forever right? WRONG. Well I first wasted my own money and second, it wasn’t a very serious situation- it was a last minute jump the gun-hey why not kind of decision. Plus he never seemed to excited about the true nature of it anyway. These are not good ways to start an engagement and while I’m not super old fashioned, you should not pay for your own ring and you should have a proper engagement. Needless to say it didn’t end well- he never loved me, cheated on me and the whole relationship was toxic and a waste of feelings,It was a big joke and my $500 I never got back after reselling my ring.

4. His family doesn’t like you (or vice versa, this is a big one usually very significant)
If you wake up one day and his family doesn’t like you and has some problems with you. Or treats you like absolute crap 24/7-this is a BIG problem. You don’t deserve to be treated like that ever but it’s no way to enter a union. Well for the most part, if these feelings or the way they are treating you (or him) is causing serious problems, don’t expect it to change, it won’t. Don’t waste your time trying to please someone who won’t ever see eye to eye. Families don’t always get along but if it’s been a regular thing the whole relationship and you can’t work through it- then just move on. Make yourself happy first and foremost.

5. He doesn’t ever hear a word you say
When he tunes you out all the time and he never hears you ask him what time your in laws are coming or if he mowed the lawn or when to pick the kids up… it’s an issue. One you can work through but sometimes there is no getting through to them. Not a sexist, women sometimes do this too- but men do it more often than not.

6. You are a “friend” around his buddies or downplays your relationship
When he hides the true nature of his relationship with you in any way to anyone he knows.. it truly means, he does not want to share you or the role he plays or is straight up ashamed of you. Another way to lose you real fast, not a way to treat a partner/girlfriend/spouse. I got the “friend” card many times when I was still dating and it doesn’t feel very good. If he doesn’t want to label or be honest and faithful-just don’t even bother. They won’t change or they are a player and don’t wanna be tied down/afraid of commitment.

7. If any one thing (gym, video games, friends, going out, work etc) is often more important than quality time together
When any one priority is more important than you constantly and interferes with your relationship- it’s time to re-evaluate. Most times this isn’t a problem and can be resolved. But once again, one experience I had I dated a gym junkie and my relationship didn’t exsist because of this obsession with getting buff/fit/lifting everyday, multiple times a day and had no time ot energy left for me. He would regularly put me on the back burner even when we had plans just so he could go workout. If something is trumping your relationship, think about how important it is and talk it oit. If they won’t change just let it be. They clearly have more growing to do before they are ready for a relationship that takes time.

8. He’s a party animal/drinker/uses drugs and won’t stop or denies a problem
It;s totally self explainatory. He needs help. He is not in shape to care for himself let alone another person.

9. If he is missing any one of these things (or all of them): a job, a home, or has NO sense of style 
Many guys have no sense of style, this can be fixed and remedied. Not a big deal really But the other two just go to show that he can’t provide or has no self esteem, is not driven in his life. How can you rely on someone for the rest of your life if his life is already so unstable. Yes, the economy has been bad. Given those situations-I’m talking about the guys who don’t even try. They just sit around waiting for life to hit them in the face and want to be babied until the day they die. Believe me, you don’t want a boyfriend you have to constantly pay for, babysit and assist in every way. It’s no fun-been there, done that!

10. He ever hits you, talks down to you/verbal abuse or makes you feel insignificant in any way
No one should ever make you feel small in any way, shape or form. Physical violenceis NEVER okay and neither is the subtle more torturing mental and verbal abuse. Pay attention to the signs! Sometimes you feel you can’t get out, no help or are not strong enough to be by yourself-please just get yourself safe. That is always your only #1 priority. You cannot ever fix or change someone who will hurt you like this. Get out now!

So in conclusion, if you have someone (like I do) that makes you feel like a million bucks, is sweet, considerate, always surprising you and making you a better person accepting all your flaws-no matter how bad they are, then consider him a KEEPER! And brag about him daily, talk him up and treat him like the KING he is! I love you honey-I’m so lucky to have you in my life…

4 thoughts on “10 reasons why he’s not “The One””

  1. that is so true. My first relationship was all in all a big red flag. Everyone told me numerous times how they had bad feelings about it but I never listened. Well, fast forward a lot of emotional distress/ abuse, and seclusion from friends I finally saw the truth. It was awful, but great lesson to figure out what kind of man I wanted in my life. (ps.: he's really great! 😉 ) Amazing, important post!

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