I had a great childhood and that’s not to say that I didn’t havea complicated home life. Some things I look back on now and say, hmm I wouldn’t handle it like that if I was them. I know it was especially a different time-I mean the 90’s it was like pre electronics era and really at all. I remember my dad having a bulky work cell and that was it. I didn’t have a ipod or a computer/laptop of my own and I certainly didn’t know what the internet was until I was like at least 10, 12 maybe. We had it at school but I just never thought much of it as a kid. Anyway, I just remember it being such a simplier time and it seemed so effortless to be a kid and let alone probably even easier than it is now as a adult.
I was also usually last to know things, beings that I was a child for most of it-it makes some sense. But all it did was make me feel very left out and disheartened. I found out that my parents were divorcing last, on the night of the “big fight”. It was a horrible violent loud night I don’t ever really talk about. For a ten year old it was hard to hear lots of fighting/yelling/cussing/name-calling. That was not the norm in our family. My oldest sister found us when I was about 10 as well- I knew last, when I turned 13. I was glad that I found out eventually but I doubt she would have told me ever if my mom had kept it from me longer. Also I moved around a lot and I found out much later that if I hadn’t been taken in by my sister, I would have ended up in foster care-thank god that didn’t happen. I would have aged out & that would have been very sad and hard for me.
We never had family meetings as a kid and never sat down to talk about anything in a group. I think communication was lacking in our family-like a lot. I guess we had it somewhat but I never had a boys talk, a sex talk or a drugs/alcohol talk so my parents dropped the safety ball. Somehow I feel like I could have been a better kid and less of a nasty teenager if I had had the openness with my parents. It would have ironed out a lot of issues and had my parents tried counseling their marriage may have lasted longer as well. They kept their personal relationship very private from us kids/teens. It was sorta weird like a big facade, which in the end was sorta true.
Now my sisters’ families do an awesome job at this but I would keep my children so busy that they don’t have time to be obsessed with technology (like I am now) and too busy for boys, bad influences, drugs, alcohol and swearing. It would be a beneficial thing and everything good would come from it. I was never “busy” enough and I took dance and was always with friends or sitting in front of the tv for hours. I just wouldn’t allow my kids to be like that. Anything my kids wanted to do I’d support them as long as they were doing something and not up to no good or missing on my watch. Structure is super important and having grown up with next to none, now I too believe how needed it is for young kids.