5 ways my kids will be raised better (than I was)

I had a great childhood and that’s not to say that I didn’t havea complicated home life. Some things I look back on now and say, hmm I wouldn’t handle it like that if I was them. I know it was especially a different time-I mean the 90’s it was like pre electronics era and really at all. I remember my dad having a bulky work cell and that was it. I didn’t have a ipod or a computer/laptop of my own and I certainly didn’t know what the internet was until I was like at least 10, 12 maybe. We had it at school but I just never thought much of it as a kid. Anyway, I just remember it being such a simplier time and it seemed so effortless to be a kid and let alone probably even easier than it is now as a adult.

This got me to thinking a while back about if I could change or redirect a few things about growing up in my family- What would I change and how would I change it? My parents were truly wonderful for years and usually if I mention a short coming to my mother- she just basically says it’s too late to change it now, well yes and I’m glad that I grew up healthy and safe but what if you really could turn back time or even, what would you do differently with your own kids? Well you’re about to find out how I’d change my future kids lives by being better than my parents were to me. 
1. NO SPANKING

I never cared for A) being spanked or B) how it felt afterwards. I was scared, semi traumatized, afraid of the next time and made me afraid of my parents in a sense too. I never felt like I had the oppurtunity to tell them what happened before I was caught. I never felt open and safe enough to go to them with problems. I was only ever spanked with a bare hand or belt once. (Usually over my pants and over the knee swat) But again, I was then terrified of my dad for awhile and teared up every time I saw him that week. Later on I had a few chores as a teen but I never minded it because when I lived with my dad, he was so open and relaxed. 
2. BEING GROUNDED

If I had it my way I would have been grounded. I was never grounded and so back to point one, I got punished instead. I think I would have honestly learned more if I was, but I don’t know if my parents were busy or just too relaxed (and I had strict parents in the neighborhood). Being grounded for me would have entailed no tv, no friends, no going out, more chores (of which I had none really) and eventually no computer when we finally had one at home. I would  have been tortured and actually maybe learned from my mistakes. I was a good kid 80% of the time and just pristine in comparision to some other kids my parents knew or saw. So they took me for granted and let it all slide a little too much. 

3. NO HIDDEN SECRETS/NO LIES

I was also usually last to know things, beings that I was a child for most of it-it makes some sense. But all it did was make me feel very left out and disheartened. I found out that my parents were divorcing last, on the night of the “big fight”. It was a horrible violent loud night I don’t ever really talk about. For a ten year old it was hard to hear lots of fighting/yelling/cussing/name-calling. That was not the norm in our family. My oldest sister found us when I was about 10 as well- I knew last, when I turned 13. I was glad that I found out eventually but I doubt she would have told me ever if my mom had kept it from me longer. Also I moved around a lot and I found out much later that if I hadn’t been taken in by my sister, I would have ended up in foster care-thank god that didn’t happen. I would have aged out & that would have been very sad and hard for me. 

4. FAMILY MEETINGS

We never had family meetings as a kid and never sat down to talk about anything in a group. I think communication was lacking in our family-like a lot. I guess we had it somewhat but I never had a boys talk, a sex talk or a drugs/alcohol talk so my parents dropped the safety ball. Somehow I feel like I could have been a better kid and less of a nasty teenager if I had had the openness with my parents. It would have ironed out a lot of issues and had my parents tried counseling their marriage may have lasted longer as well. They kept their personal relationship very private from us kids/teens. It was sorta weird like a big facade, which in the end was sorta true.

5. SCHEDULE/PARTICIPATE SPORTS/ACTIVITIES

Now my sisters’ families do an awesome job at this but I would keep my children so busy that they don’t have time to be obsessed with technology (like I am now) and too busy for boys, bad influences, drugs, alcohol and swearing. It would be a beneficial thing and everything good would come from it. I was never “busy” enough and I took dance and was always with friends or sitting in front of the tv for hours. I just wouldn’t allow my kids to be like that. Anything my kids wanted to do I’d support them as long as they were doing something and not up to no good or missing on my watch. Structure is super important and having grown up with next to none, now I too believe how needed it is for young kids. 

3 thoughts on “5 ways my kids will be raised better (than I was)”

  1. Very interesting points. I have three boys, twins age 3 and a 6 year old. Only the 6 year old uses technology, and it's only at school. I also try to sign them up for activities, and I love the idea of a family meeting…as soon as they are old enough to understand.

  2. I love the idea of family meetings too. And I want to make sure my kids do have special things like sports and extra curricular to keep them grounded and growing. Plus if need be, something to ground them from 😉 ~Jenn Peters

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