Category Archives: Life

28 wishes

28wishes

“it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to”

Today is my 28th birthday! I can’t believe another year flew by so quickly. It’s just crazy how life moves so fast,  just continues no matter what- even if you’re not holding on. This past year I’ve changed, grown, matured , slipped back in some places but overall stepped into my own.

I did this post last year (but I think I accidentally deleted it) and I liked it so much that I thought I’d repeat it and celebrate a new 365 days the year. So here’s the post that i was thinking of, months after my birthday. Although looking back on this I achieved about HALF of them. Which is excellent! And not to mention I accomplished quite a few things that weren’t on the list like getting rid of a toxic friend, being honest about my mom and things to consider when looking for an apartment.

I have some wishes & goals for this year I wanna share with you.

  1. I want to grow my marriage-grow closer and gain better communication; always working on that.
  2. Keep building a community with my blog, stay consistent and show steady growth in my social media numbers.
  3. Read more, watch less.
  4. Make a solid plan to meet up with friends and create deeper friendships.
  5. Do more random acts of kindness for strangers.
  6. Keep writing with pen pals.
  7. Cook more (again) eat out less.
  8. Regular date nights.  Maybe at least once a month planned.
  9. Exercise regularly.
  10. Get on a regular daily schedule.
  11. Keep the dogs on a regular schedule.
  12. Take better care of myself (physically, emotionally and psychologically)
  13. Decorate the bathroom.
  14. Be a more patient person.
  15. Act more graciously/be more forgiving.
  16. Stay super close with my tribe on #slack
  17. Clean my apartment daily & weekly to keep our place looking nice.
  18. Drink more water!
  19. Save 1000$
  20. Go to a concert or event
  21. Watch top movies on IMDB
  22. Travel
  23. Go visit Disneyland
  24. Shop Costco for a year
  25. Get a massage
  26. Work on taking more pictures
  27. Do a boudoir shoot
  28. Be happy with less (stay content) and full of joy!

So that’s a little peek into my world and what I am hoping for the next year. I haven’t explained a lot but I did so well with my goals last year, nailing nearly half of them that I sought out for myself.

Here’s to a new year full of surprises!

 

[coffee date]

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Happy Friday and Welcome to Coffee Date Friday! I’m glad you’re joining me and hopefully you’ll let me know what you’re doing this morning while we have ‘virtual coffee’. So this week, I really dropped the ball and didn’t blog yet this week. But I faced the facts and decided that’s okay. My life has been anything but busy or easy lately, it’s not bad just boring and uneventful. Not a whole lot going on so while life stays bland I’ve been finding things to keep me busy- like Sims 4 and lots of Pandora and/or Netflix binges. These are just some of the more important things happening in my world this past week. Today is brought you by Starbucks Iced Coffee-Mocha flavor, because we bought a package last week at Costco and we’ve been drinking those when Sean or I really need a pick me up.

 

O N E

Vet visits. We have been every two weeks this month and the end of April. Maggie our little girl had some random skin allergies that broke out with lots of dandruff,  intense itching and some other symptoms.. She needs 2-3 baths a week and a few different medicines to help clear it up. After a few weeks of being diligent with it, she’s finally cleared up and it’s a matter of keeping her reactions and irritations under control. It’s not been discovered what she had a allergy to yet but we think it’s environment in which case, it’s just manageable and not fixable. She’s on hypoallergenic food and treats- so that’s no longer our concern and she gets nothing else from us. It’s been something we’ve watched and it has slowly gotten better and faded. Although the many, many baths will most likely continue. She doesn’t mind them much, but her coat holds so much water that getting towel cuddles and a blow dry is always necessary. She’s on a couple of medications for itch and antibiotic and an allergy tab. Giving them to her isn’t much fun. Then lately she developed like a slight ear infection for which she is taking ear drops and a new flea/tick pill (that I still need to give her with food). It’s been a trip y’all but she’s only 3 years old really- just a string of bad luck health wise for this girl (and she’s overweight…), girl problems-am I right?! I feel so bad for her but she’s been a real trooper at the new vet we’ve been taking her to- a smaller office, not as many dogs to get her all riled up and much better one on one attention. I’m glad she’s improving!

 

T W O

I wasn’t feeling too well this week I kept waking up with a dry throat and sinus issues. I’ve started drinking a lot more water which is great for me. Honestly I think it was from my snoring and having a fan on at night having such dry air. I just basically used some nasal spray and took an extra vitamin C tablet along with a multi-vitamin. I had a dose of tylenol cold medicine and I’m hoping since I feel better now that it isn’t just dormant. I also have had like serious cramps, off and on for the last few weeks and it’s starting to be pretty constant and annoyingly painful. So I plan to go in and get it checked out with women’s health since I have an IUD. I’m slightly thinking it’s shifted and needs to be replaced. I’ve simply dealt with the pain with tylenol and lots of heating pack time, which usually eases it away. Plus I’m due for an annual exam and a STD test. It’s not been the most productive week but none the less, I’ve managed to not let the apartment be a complete disaster. And I’m quite happy about that.

 

T H R E E

If you’re a fellow blogger then you know the struggle. You design your blog (or get it designed for you) and then three weeks later, something isn’t quite right. You just want to either change one little thing or you end up with a total OVERHAUL. That’s where I am… Total change, again. Well I might keep certain components but simple and basic is what I’m going for, to switch focus back to the words on the screen. So I am not doing any super drastic changes but things might look cleaner by the end of the day(or weekend) and I’ll be happy with that! I took a week or two to look on Creative Market and Etsy (just search Blogger or WP themes and read the details carefully on each one), save the themes I liked and ask some opinions. I wanted a clean, simple theme so that I could not have such a elaborate colorful page and yet really start writing better content. This is coming more from the don’t think or make excuses, just DO it. But everyone needs a nice, fresh place to start, right? The social media icons are simple and easy to read. The share buttons are on the bottom of each post and will be easier for me to organize my posts in the future with categories and labels. Visually it just easier to see everything and smoother to read through I believe so I hope you’ll enjoy the change.

F O U R

I’m planning to write an epic Q&A post next week with your original and no-holds-barred questions that you’re dying to know about me, my life, my marriage, my past (ALL of it)…. Pretty much anything as long as it’s appropriate. So go for it- write them down, email me, tweet me, instagram me, facebook message me or leave me a comment here or on any of my social media and leave hashtag #thepetitemrs . I’ll gather them up and put them into a great post for you to really discover who I am. I thought it’d be so much fun, so if you agree  I DARE YOU TO LEAVE ME A QUESTION  or a couple for me to answer.

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Things to consider when looking for an apartment

thingstoconsiderapartment

Location/Price/Size:

Of course when you’re moving, you’ll have an idea of why and where you want xor need to be living. Location is most important factor when choosing a new apartment because you’ll be there for at least 6-12 months or longer (if you choose to stay).

Price is also going to be one of the major key elements; maybe there’s a strict budget or you have some wiggle room. Either way you need to be diligent about price and discuss with your partner/spouse or roommates about finances and be up front and very honest about it.

You have to be realistic about square footage, number of rooms, how many bathrooms, amount of closet space, as well as storage spaces like cabinets and drawers and storage closet (if available) you’ll truly need.  Know what you have and if anything downsize & declutter before moving-it will help you a TON.

Applications/fee, Deposit-first last month’s/credit check, Pet fees, utilities:

Step One in moving is taking tours and physically seeing the space. If and when you like an apartment (or condo/house etc) then you have to apply for it. Put in your application ASAP! Applicants are vicious at some nicer complexes and will snatch a unit from under you without a deposit down or unit being held (this happened in my experience like twice). When you fill out the application, make sure you print neatly and if you mess up; either A- start over on a fresh application  (if it can’t be fixed) or very carefully use white out and write clearly over or to the side of the mistake.

DO NOT PUT YOUR IDENTIFYING INFORMATION on it until the end especially YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER! For fear of it falling into the wrong hands besides your hands or your managers hands…BE CAREFUL! 

But also don’t forget to sign the bottom and bring with you any needed documents like bills for identification, pay stubs or bank statements for income verification and an ID (of some sort). Usually application fees are no more than 20-40$ a piece, if at all.

Have an idea of your credit score beforehand- you don’t need to know this particularly but you’ll have a deposit based on credit so be realistic about what that number may be. They can run anywhere from like 300$- 2x the full rent amount (is what I’ve seen in Oregon applications). Sometimes it’s one full month rent or even first and last months rent OR a flat rate deposit based on your credit.

Pet fees are a big part too when you have a kitty or your best friend Fido, you’ll want to bring them with you. These days it is expensive to bring your buddies along with you to a new place-I don’t know if every state has Pet Rent but usually you’ll at least be hit with a not-so-friendly deposit for your furry pal too.

Utilities are another monthly expense (most places don’t cover for W/S/G, so if anything one maybe comped but don’t go in expecting anything. Count these in addition to your rent and pet fees expenses could be upwards of 50$ or more depending on where you live.

Quiet versus louder kid friendly complex:

As far as this goes- you need to know what type of people you are. You may not have all the control in the world over this but, to an extent you do. If you are a family of four, you won’t mind having lots of kids and a more active community around you. But if you are a single adult, a quiet older couple or a pair who just isn’t about kids then you’ll want a much quieter complex. So in your search be mindful of places that are loud and active versus more quiet and reserved. We personally don’t like to hear  screaming, some badly behaved kids constantly and have to deal with many families in the pool for instance but you don’t have much control over it- so I always just ask what the manager thinks and if we can get a unit in a quieter building.

Hard floors/Laminate versus Carpet:

This is a main point of a residence and he floors you have really set the stage for your apartment. If you have kids then you’ll want more carpet for falls and playtime. If you have dogs or cats then maybe hard floors might be a better option. There are often many options in an apartment and this may play more into what you’re looking for in a place. I find hard floors a little more difficult to clean the dust bunnies and get the corners spick and span but also impossible to keep nice clean carpets with dogs- so weigh your options and take it into account while visiting spaces.

In Hall Laundry, Room Laundry or Laundry Room separate outside space: 

I always prefer having my own laundry in unit. Sometimes it’s not possible and having a laundry room outdoors is usually what people would get stuck with. The moving of everyone’s clothes, having to pay coins for it, and going up and down floors with your laundry is a hassle.

Having an in hall laundry area is somewhat of the same problem. It’s always in the way, you’ll have clothes everywhere and moving them up and down (usually in a stackable version) isn’t the best for your back.

But those who can be blessed with an in-unit laundry room (small or large) will certainly appreciate some place to get rid of those stinky clothes, somewhere to get those spots out and a place to fold and sort. Handy too when you can do laundry in your own space at any hour.

Renters insurance, Mold/Mildew/Pests, Late Fees etc:

Important things you need to know before moving into a new place. Renters insurance is required everywhere and there’s no need to have an over expensive coverage usually it’s required for 100K worth of renters insurance for a year timespan. I go through Assurant and they have me on a plan that’s about $15 a month (which is normal for Oregon state) around $180 for the whole year to cover costs if any damages should occur. Believe me if a fire or something does happen you’ll be thankful that you had that coverage.

Mold/Mildew and Pests will and do often happen. Just ask your manager and go over these points in your rental contract. Usually it states that they will come and clean mold as it occurs and can make you very sick so it needs to be carefully cleaned with bleach and blocked from more moisture getting inside to create moldy areas (door seals, windows, bathtubs etc.). Pests are another story- I would think that a maintenance person or manager would cover that as well but I can’t speak for all properties. I know our complex here has a “pests day” where you can make appointments with an outside company if such a need occurs.

Late fees are usually anywhere between $50-150. The penalty for not paying rent on time or past the rent pay days usually the 1st-the 5th.

Gated versus Nongated: 

Gated and nongated complexes, these are also nice to take into account. Honestly especially in a sketchy neighborhood- I’d rather be a little more protected from the outside population. Having a key card or gate key is nice and also a bother, if lost or stolen you’ll be paying for a 30-40$ key, because they are specially cut at the key maker. Unlike a normal door key lock they are more intricate and therefore cost more. But not gated can sometimes be more dangerous and strangers being even more loud and obnoxious.

Security number, access code to pool/office bunkhouse, newsletter/special events and maintenance number:

Things you should know that you may not think about, make sure you get the number for security company if they have it or local police/non emergency line.

You’ll need pool access codes or key/keycard if needed and knowledge about who can and can’t come into the pool area. Some complexes do not allow guests or limit to one per resident. Pets are not allowed in pool and clubhouse areas. Knowing the hours of when the pool is open and exactly when it closes is good to know.

Office hours are a need to know basis and you should memorize them so you’ll know when you can get help to a problem or concern. Know who is the manager and what the policies are for living in that complex.

A newsletter is a nice thing to go around in some complexes to let you know what the happenings are- special days of the month, holidays, closed office days or events like Taco Tuesday!

Having the maintenance number is crucial because you’ll have accidents and things will happen in your new apartment. And although it looks shiny and new- it’s been lived in before, so truth is it has previous dents and dings. Don’t be scared to live in your space though despite breaking in your own apartment. I love to be in new shiny spaces but a cozy lived in place is just as nice too.

 

I hope that this is super helpful information! If any of this helped you or you want to pass onto someone else, I would really appreciate it.

*This is all information I have learned over the years and is based on my knowledge in Oregon.*

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I am my mother’s daughter

I am my mother’s daughter.

Today I’m here calling out my mom for mother’s’ day (not in a mean, nasty way but in an effort to share). Everyone has a different family right?! And no one’s perfect. I am feeling impartial and semi cheated out of a childhood being my mothers’ daughter. Well that sure applies to my family and specifically to my mother. My life was really bliss growing up from birth through about age 9. For most kids that’s probably not very long considering most people will be raised in a stable household (I don’t know stats on this; but I think it’s majority still). But my house became anything but stable shortly after. I was a truly naive kid and in an effort to rehash that- I’m starting here. I am my mother’s daughter and my name is Nora.

The Good:

I am my mothers' daughter.

  • My parents always made sure I was truly taken care of (through age 9). I was always clothed, fed, clean/bathed and felt truly loved. They were the best parents (Mom) ever and I felt so blessed.
  • My birthdays’ were always a huge family bash and both sides would come to celebrate/visit with me. I was so lucky to have SO many people who loved me growing up. Food, fun and laughs were had by all. I was a spoiled child (truly) and I didn’t realize it when it was happening but looking back; raising me- it took a village. Everyone really pitched in to care for me and because I had older sisters- it seemed more of the focus was on me, for some reason. I was the youngest child after all and I made sure everyone knew I was damn near help-less. ( I was kinda a brat.)
  • The household fun was had by all: this is more of a side story but it applies here, in the good column. We loved Dirty Dancing and Patrick Swayze and all that awesome dancin’. So most nights we’d blast the soundtrack or oldies in the kitchen as we all lent a hand in cleaning up or having a chores day. I don’t even remember what we did besides all the dancin and singin along at the top of our lungs. It was fun and everyone (except dad- reading or napping on the couch) joined in, even the dog!
  • I had a lot of certain freedoms being a 90s kid; growing up a little ahead of all the true freaks in our world- they still existed but the FEAR mindset wasn’t nearly as bad. I walked a block or two to my friends house and I was always driven the three blocks to school. Later on, I was allowed to ride the bus with the neighborhood boys (the stop was at the top and bottom of our street). I could walk to the corner store two roads up by myself and walk back without feeling threatened. I could safely play outside with other kids and in our neighborhood not have to worry too bad about stranger danger or busy streets/cars speeding (thank you speed bumps on 32nd). I could be dropped off someplace and I knew buddy system was best. I knew to trust the authorities (police, fire, security etc) and I’d be safe. I had the trust of my parents and knowing that felt good. I am my mother’s daughter.

The Bad

I am my mothers' daughter

  • So here’s where things start to slip (age 9/10), I noticed more yelling between my parents, more slanted glares, more sighs and “humphs!”- you could really cut the tension with a knife. And not long after I turned 9, there was a night full of screaming, arguing, slamming things and open threats. To a kid who’s hiding in her room- that doesn’t mean much when you don’t understand what’s going on around you. But as soon as I heard my mom dial 911 and my sister came to swoop me up- I knew something was really wrong. D-I-V-O-R-C-E. (I hate this word with an almighty passion) And so it happened. My good little wholesome family was now torn apart.
  • I was automatically set to live with my mom. I was under the age of 15? I think is when the judge gives you the right to choose. The go-betweens started and I hated it. Tell your dad this. Tell your mom this. Well she can just.. He should just…. I really hated that part of being the center and only kid stuck in the middle of it. I tried to tell them to quit it- to argue or fight with each other. But it never stopped, only in addition to the he said, she said.
  • My mother was also the one who never was an active parent which to me- is very important. She was never on PTA, didn’t bring treats to school or sign up for dance committee. I missed her being at my events and supporting me through school and getting to know more of that side of my childhood. I am my mother’s daughter.

The Ugly:

I am my mothers' daughter I am my mothers' daughter

  • The number of times my mother and I moved would shock the hell out of some people. In a matter of 3 years we must have moved 8-10 times or MORE. It was hard living out of boxes and always wondering about making rent or not getting kicked out as a kid. It was horrible and also just kinda fun always being in a new space- but I also never ever felt settled. In addition to other events- not controlled by my mother- I attended 4 high schools and had many friends, again never feeling like I fit in really anywhere. I began to feel aimless and disjointed at times.
  • My mom had a drinking problem. We all knew it. I knew it. And yet, I was living with her. Why? I don’t know. It happened slowly and then all at once and then more stressed she got, the worse it got. One night, I awoke to a policeman at my door and cops outside putting my mom into a cop car. I was half awake, about 11 years old and I was scared. My mom went out in the middle of the night leaving me home alone (to get beer), and on the way back had hit 3 or 4 parked cars and was weaving up the road when she got pulled over in our apartment complex and cuffed for DUI charges. And when she didn’t/couldn’t pay the fines when she needed to- she in addition spent 60 days in jail. (I was living elsewhere by then.)
  • There were many nights when we would go visit her friends or be out with her current boyfriend. and we were often out late and I, to be honest at 11, 12, 13 yrs old was not always supervised. And was usually then late for school or slept in past the time to wake up/missed school days because I was up late- not getting sleep and/or not getting my work done on time. I had resulted in many, many absences and tardies for which they wanted to hold me back in the 7th & 8th grade. Forever, I am my mother’s daughter.

This is in NO WAY trying to completely bash my mother or anything of the sort but, it was not a walk in the park either. She had a lot of problems and honestly still does. But I love my mother and she will always be my mom-the one I could watch tv with and the one who would make all my boo-boo’s better. I am my mother’s daughter and I always will be. I have my own personal issues and the years we did not speak-for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s healthier when two people do not communicate and/or do not love each other. It gets to that point sometimes. I love my mother- I do but it sure is complicated. She has put me through the ringer and well, she deserved to be ignored and not included. I am my mother’s daughter for the anxieties she passed onto me, the fears of the world on my shoulders, my naivety and my helpless nature. She did not empower me, she did not lift me up, she not teach me the bright side of things- all quite the opposite. But at the end of the day-

I am my mother’s mother. I am the parent. 

 

It’s time for Bloggy Brunch- this was a unique day/post so I’m sliding it in at the end here:


letters to myself: current edition

letters to myself current edition

*read this first, past edition*

Dear Me,

I just wanted to touch base with you and have some good inner dialogue and say that you’re doing just fine. I’m working towards my goals and making strides in my personal development and growth. I’m a happy, semi-healthy, friendly and loving person with a lot to offer the world. (I’m not writing this to gloat on myself but give myself some therapy and self-love). I am present and doing my best in the current moment.

I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for almost six years now and that is a long time for someone who’s longest relationship prior to this was about 8-9 months max. All with just very selfish incompatible people who really weren’t the greatest people themselves either. I don’t know why I chose them I just did and that was pretty hasty. Now I think back to that time and realize that a year is a long time and that these six years have just flown by. We were engaged quickly because we had that deep gut feeling that we were meant to be and I still find it true.

Some things have changed like school and work for instance, I used to be very motivated to “do better, be better” but it’s just not the case. After the economy took a large hit a few years ago I thought “what’s the point?” and just quit my now dead end degree in psychology. Further schooling is needed to really do what I want to do and become successful. And to really much money at all and be in a field where there are openings.

Blogging is a wonderful world to me. It’s been a constant (infrequently) for the past about 5 years, I have tried to document and redocument things that have happened and come up. To make it interesting I’m just trying to incorporate more “me” into the mix and connect more with other bloggers and take this more seriously. I may want to monetize eventually but I just am proud of how far I’ve come and the work I have put in. I have toyed with photography to make my blog feel real and come alive. I have put some endless dollars into my design and always had a presentable nice clean blog site. Many things have changed and I have written hours upon hours of ups and downs and in-betweens. It is something I plan to continue and morph for a long time.

I’m also very proud just how far I’ve come as a person and a friend. Usually I was a welcome mat, happy for people to come along step all over me and wipe off their shit. But no more. I have grown a real backbone now and that’s not to say I’m a bitch. But I only tolerate quality people in my life now and realize I deserve better than that. I have learned not all friends stay with us through life and others come and go through stages. It’s most important to be there for each other always and be understanding.

This place I’m in feels oddly healthy and like I’m in a growth stage currently. Learning new things, trying new things and adapting to a new lifestyle. I have made goals come and go, “achieveing is believing”. Now I wouldn’t call myself successful or driven, because well I’m not those things all the time. But again, there is progress and more to be made. I know what I have to work on and that is follow through. I need to search and contemplate what I really want in life and how to get there. My path has been challeging but not impossible and I have proven to myself with the help of my husband that I can get through anything. If I only try, listen and speak up when I need to.

So as you go through life, remember a few things, be patient, be kind, be sweet, be daring and most of all be yourself because that’s the only way to be.

Sincerely, the present me

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