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30 Days of Truth: Day 8

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

My brother has never really been very supportive- he was very against my marriage and has literally fought me in my choices tooth and nail.. I am so sick of it and am already getting too angry to speak of him. We do not really converse, except some small talk and  a hi here and there. He is by blood my brother but in my mind he’s just another un-supportive guy in my family. However I have gotten close with my new brother in law and we get along very well and I feel like he is a better brother than my brother ever has been. We talk and laugh and he makes holidays better, easier and light hearted.

30 Days of Truths: Day 6

Hello Everyone

30 Days of Truths
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

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I never want to get a divorce. That I think would be like the worst thing in the world, I mean I love my husband and never see that happening but a lot of my friends got married and after a year or less are divorced. It’s just the saddest thing ever I feel like. I want to be with someone-Sean, forever and I truly believe two people can be that way if they want to work at it. I came from a divorced set of parents who couldn’t work it out and didn’t even really try to. I don’t want to ever find myself in that difficult situation. I don’t know if I could possibly live or breathe through something sooo hard. I promised myself that I never would, I would work at it and try harder everyday until I knew I could do nothing more to fix it. I can’t imagine what my future kids would feel like if this situation played out. I would just be crushed.

I also hope I never have to bury a child, my spouse or donate a organ. I am signed up as a organ donor but I truly hope I never have to be in that situation unless I am already on my way to heaven. It’s all these horrible things that I’m sure happen everyday, it all makes me so incredibly thankful over and over again.

What is something you hope you never have to do? Do you feel the same as I do?

30 Days of Truth: Day 5

Hello Everyone

30 Days of Truths
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

 I hope that I can finish school, have a family and travel to Italy, France, Greece and back to Hawaii. I want to be successful in a job I like and would like to be in a circle of friends who love and support me. I want to own a home that I design and create. I would like it to be modern but decorated warmly with pictures and decorations of family, love and faith throughout and on every wall, table and staircase. I would also like to extend my education on my own and go for a Masters or second degree of some sort; certification for psychology. I mainly want to have children to raise and share my livelihood with my husband and help make a stable, lovely life for us through our years, Most of all, I must be happy with whatever kind of life I’m lving, in any situation, I must be happy, content and proud of myself as well. 

 What do you hope to do with your life? One big dream? If you have one please share it! 

30 Days of Truths: Day 4

Hello everyone
This post is again very emotional and trying for me to write but I am trult going to do my best to describe what I have to forgive someone(s) for and why I feel the way I do. I grew up in a very unsteady household at times and went though very traumatic events before high school even started. So there is a lot to explain, hold tight!

30 Days of Truths
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


I have to forgive first my mom, for not being the greatest mother I know she could have been and for still trying to be good to this day.  Between her alcoholism and her just snapiness through my life, always felt like I was judged a lot for making a few wrong decisions and for her making me grow up so young and taking care of myself. It’s been hard but time heals all wounds right?

And my husband for our fights/arguments/tizzy fits that hurt and make it hard to get over but they are always over within 5 minutes. I wish I could understand how to be a better wife and how I can help us communicate more clearly. We need to work on that this year, less fighting/arguing and more love/communication. I love you and I know that we are both good people and that’s not the problem. Our problem is our communication…. we get so heated up so quickly… we are tough people to handle- both of us.

And last but not least and most important, my father to forgive him for taking his own life and wishing himself out of this world because he could not handle “life”  at that point without help and was not brave enough or strong enough to ask for it. It sucks to know you aren’t here for my most important life moments and that you are still “looking” down on me yet I cannot call you up, just to talk with daddy. This is most upsetting and its really hard to handle on a day to day basis even 9 years later. I need to grow up and take it a little better. I’m not perfect but I need to move on and not use it for excuses anymore; that doesn’t fly anymore when I’m 22 yrs old and I have to go to school etc. Just know that I miss you daddy and it will never be the same being here on earth without you here to root me on, I really loved that about you. I’ll always be daddys little girl.

I love you daddy. 9/28/02 E.T.L Jr

The Spauldings: One Year Anniversary

O n e  Y e a r  A n n i v e r s a r y

I cannot believe its been a year since we got married! I mean it’s more than a wonderful experience to be a wife, that title means so much more to me than anyone can ever imagine. This last year has had its ups and downs; but definitely after a year we know now exactly what we have to work on. And a better idea of how to fix those things that have been a constant barrier to us so far. We have grown more together in the two years of being together and one of being man and wife than I ever thought we could be. I will always and forever know deep in my heart that this man is for me and only me and will remain at my side for years to come.
We have been tested of our stance together a few times in different situations with friends of mine and we have always come to the same conclusion. We must stand beside each other and should agree in our opinions about any sort of problem at the time. Our families since then have also proved to be difficult but now I believe “Family isn’t always blood.” It is now with this new life motto concerning people I bring into my life-it’s just not always true. Family is important, don’t get me wrong, I need to learn to appreciate them more and never take them for granted.
As of a year ago today, we would have already done our rehearsal and have already been split up waiting for our arrival into the society as man and wife. The weather is the same it was just a year ago today, a wet, rainy and cold day in the Pacific Northwest. I just can’t believe it’s already been a year and it seems as though it went by too fast. It took us a year to hang pictures of our special day which now I smirk and grin every time I pass them in our halls. We have truly realized and tried to keep those who are our true friends and people who will only support us in our new journey.
Our helpers from our wedding- Janae and Alex- we still keep in touch although as time moves on we ar just not as close as we once were. Maybe time will change that. Alex was like a brother and has always been there for us and Janae did so much for me as well supporting me and helping me along the way. As for Angela, well, we have grown apart some but she insists that we are “fine” and not trying to fight anymore. I shall continue to stand beside him with all that I am. This year has been great and there are many more to come….. god bless…. thank you for finding me, saving me and making me the happiest woman ever!
I love you honey and I always will.
To us. CHEERS!
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