Tag Archives: about me

Why We Don’t Want Kids & Why That’s Okay

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I always wanted kids growing up. I wanted to be married at 21, first kid by 23 and second kid or third kid by 25 or 26. I thought I had planned every step out.It was a priority for me to be a stay at home mom like my mother was. She took care of the house and did it all.  And to think back on it now, I wasn’t very thankful at the time. Now I realize how much it really takes just to live and get on day to day with kids.

kids are expensive

Having children is expensive- like thousands; maybe even a couple hundred thousand over their lifetime. *A birth without complications can be something like $1900 for a vaginal birth and when you’re talking emergency C section or something goes really wrong, your bill could shoot straight up to almost $10,000 (or more).The average in america for the price of an uncomplicated birth is $3500. With vaginal complications you’ll be shelling out an even $6900 as if it were a C-section.*  Even if you have insurance and low co-pays (good coverage etc) you’re gonna pay a lot of money. After that, literally every step of their life you are spending money on them. From birth to the day they leave your house and sometimes longer if they decide to live at home longer or need more help. However it does depend on your provider and type of insurance- I have heard higher claims and lower claims. It’s still a LOT of money.

*based on 2011 study by Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality Healthcare Cost and Utilization Project*

you can’t do what you want when you want

Once you have a baby your freedom lessens. I’d say it disappears but that may be unfair to parents who can do-it-all. But the way  you manage your time is never the same. You cannot just get up and go because when you have a kid, the child goes everywhere you go. If you have no babysitter or significant other that can share the responsibility-then date night, study sessions and having any kind of functional social life is near impossible. I like being able to make decisions on a dime and not have to pack a diaper bag or car seat before we take off and go. Not having to second guess my plans or my curfew. Or even calling up a friend for childcare help because I have a final the next morning. I want to be able to go get my hair and nails done when I want without worrying. I’m a slightly selfish person when it comes to material things ok, at least I can admit it. I want to keep my freedom and self reliance. Without kids there isn’t as much planning involved. I just have more wiggle room in general.

I’m selfish (kinda the same thing but not)

I want to do what I want when I want, Period. End of story. I don’t want to have to worry about a child being in the middle of all my plans. It makes everything have another layer of complication. Granted we have two doxies and they are a handful already. And if we ever traveled they’d either A) come with or B) we’d have to arrange a sort of stay for them just like kids. But dogs are still less maintenance than children. People will argue with me over that- I don’t wanna hear the comparisons.

I don’t want to raise a child, I don’t enjoy kids sometimes

I don’t want the responsibility and life long dedication it takes to raise up a kid from infancy to adulthood, 18+years which is now more like 21+ years with general cost of living and more. Schooling is very expensive as well with clothes, supplies and sports. You could go broke with those costs yearly alone. It’s crazy to me that more of this isn’t just covered by the school or somehow funded already. It costs nearly a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child at last estimate. That is a lot of McDonalds. That’s most of a down payment on a house. I mean c’mon people-kids are wonderful but that’s huge. It’s like, You WIN “flip a coin: a kid or a house?” How crazy is that?!

You cannot guarantee your child’s’ attitude and behavior and I wouldn’t want a bratty, horrible kid. I couldn’t tolerate it. I tend to believe things are set in stone. You are supposed to teach your child how to behave and how to function in the world. That’s what parenting is- and I don’t feel like I’d make a good one. I’m still learning myself and failing quite a bit. Once a child is ruined in every capacity- they just are and there’s no going back. And that is then, your fault. I don’t want to ruin a child or a whole life for that matter. That kind of disappointment in the kid and in yourself would stick with you for life.

 

When we were first married, it was constantly “when are you having kids?” “why wait?” “how much money do you have saved?” That was back when we initially wanted kids right away and unbeknownst to anyone- we tried for a short time.  Now that we have flipped the script and decided against kids several years later,  everyone can’t stop and won’t stop pressuring us about when we are having kids. It’s so shameful to think that people pressure others into having kids for the wrong reasons. In the end, it’s my body and our choice as to when and if we have kids.  Besides that, we are trying to be responsible by not jumping into something we aren’t ready for. Shouldn’t people be proud of us for that instead? Financially speaking- we’ve been selfish, careless even because we chose to and that’s no mentality for having a baby. For right now and the foreseeable future, we are happy being a two person, two dog family. They [our dogs] fulfill our lives in ways that couples with kids feel. We have a lot of the same triumphs and similar hardships. Our life is just perfect for us and our fur-kids.

How did you decide you were ready for kids? Did you always want them or did you change your mind along the way? Did you ever get pressured one way or the other? I hear it’s quite common..

Thanks for reading and hopefully relating to my story

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28 wishes

28wishes

“it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to”

Today is my 28th birthday! I can’t believe another year flew by so quickly. It’s just crazy how life moves so fast,  just continues no matter what- even if you’re not holding on. This past year I’ve changed, grown, matured , slipped back in some places but overall stepped into my own.

I did this post last year (but I think I accidentally deleted it) and I liked it so much that I thought I’d repeat it and celebrate a new 365 days the year. So here’s the post that i was thinking of, months after my birthday. Although looking back on this I achieved about HALF of them. Which is excellent! And not to mention I accomplished quite a few things that weren’t on the list like getting rid of a toxic friend, being honest about my mom and things to consider when looking for an apartment.

I have some wishes & goals for this year I wanna share with you.

  1. I want to grow my marriage-grow closer and gain better communication; always working on that.
  2. Keep building a community with my blog, stay consistent and show steady growth in my social media numbers.
  3. Read more, watch less.
  4. Make a solid plan to meet up with friends and create deeper friendships.
  5. Do more random acts of kindness for strangers.
  6. Keep writing with pen pals.
  7. Cook more (again) eat out less.
  8. Regular date nights.  Maybe at least once a month planned.
  9. Exercise regularly.
  10. Get on a regular daily schedule.
  11. Keep the dogs on a regular schedule.
  12. Take better care of myself (physically, emotionally and psychologically)
  13. Decorate the bathroom.
  14. Be a more patient person.
  15. Act more graciously/be more forgiving.
  16. Stay super close with my tribe on #slack
  17. Clean my apartment daily & weekly to keep our place looking nice.
  18. Drink more water!
  19. Save 1000$
  20. Go to a concert or event
  21. Watch top movies on IMDB
  22. Travel
  23. Go visit Disneyland
  24. Shop Costco for a year
  25. Get a massage
  26. Work on taking more pictures
  27. Do a boudoir shoot
  28. Be happy with less (stay content) and full of joy!

So that’s a little peek into my world and what I am hoping for the next year. I haven’t explained a lot but I did so well with my goals last year, nailing nearly half of them that I sought out for myself.

Here’s to a new year full of surprises!

 

Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

So #truth I snagged this post from the lovely Megan from Bloom

I really loved this idea so I thought I’d do the same and share with everyone
Let’s see how this goes [I dare you to do this post and share with me-let’s compare answers]

  • I weigh less than 100lbs. I think I weigh myself and every time the number never moves (and I want to gain weight) it always says 91. I am a tiny sized human though and my mom is very small framed too. 
  • I have fallen off a horse- and I thought I was paralyzed.. I was soo afraid I didn’t move my back and was carried up the hill from the corral on a stretch backboard. I was terrified and I think I scared other kids too..
  • I get jealous- like everyone else. I often find myself wishing I had a bigger home, a better car, a job that I love, more friends, better hair or healthier being. I’m working on being happy with what I have. Because that’s just as good!
  • I have a weak leaky bladder- yep there it is, a deep dark secret. (oops!)
  • I’m not the greatest blogger and I’m trying to improve with regularity and better content so if you like what you’re reading and seeing- I’d love to hear about it. 
  • I used to be so crafty and creative in school and now I’m not so much- I’d really like to express myself that way again.
  • I eat way too much fast food and drink too much soda (on the regular) but I ain’t ashamed
  • I’m 26 years young and look like I’m a 10 year old who still plays with barbie dolls. 
  • I get really mad when I’m yanked around
  • I don’t trust easily anymore- I used to trust way too easily and now I barely trust anyone 
  • Sometimes I get mad, like really mad and say things I don’t mean
  • I often don’t have a filter or don’t use my brain when I speak and say the completely wrong thing- sometimes I can be a real idiot
  • I have done many things I’m not proud of (I know we all have) but I’m actually still ashamed of these things and don’t speak about them anymore-time to move on right?
  • I have secrets, my family had secrets and I know everyone has something to hide now, I learned to take it with a grain of salt (sometimes, they are pretty huge secrets like a sister pt 1&2
  • Sometimes I unfairly judge people (again everyone does sometimes) but I’m trying to learn not to,
  • I can’t cook worth beans- I am a box cook QUEEN.
  • I have some bad hygiene… I mean I shower enough but my dental hygiene is lacking and is something I’m working on (I don’t know if that’s worse than B.O but it was never instilled in me and to this day I hate it-brushing my teeth)
Hopefully you found this interesting and now you’re not too grossed out to talk to me again. But, we all have our things and that is some of mine.  Thanks for everything and I hope you will be supportive and maybe write your own confessions…

if you have any questions- feel free to just ask. 

10 (more) things you don’t know about me

Good evening ladies! So I got some inspiration, I guess you could say, talking to my new friend Whitney (EHFAR). Here are 10 (more) things you don’t know about me from reading this blog. I just love writing these get to know me posts, so I’m sorry if they are redundant but this one should be fun and different from the others.
And you’ll learn more about me if you haven’t been reading long. 

  1. I can’t swim. Like at all to save my life or let alone someone else. 
  2. My 1st alcoholic drink *on accident,was at age 10 in Hawaii (when virgin daquiris aren’t virgin) 
  3. I lived with my neighbors for 2 years under a guardianship arrangement
  4. Jazz music relaxes me and makes me totally mellow-out
  5. I dislike gardening
  6. At one point I was attending Dance, Cheer leading and Gymnastics at once.
  7. I have moved more times that I ever care to count… I could track it year by year but I started moving at age 10 when my parents divorced and have moved every year or less since then, That’s a lot of moving!
  8. I used to regularly write poetry to express myself as a young teen and I really liked it. 
  9. I journaled for 5 solid years in classic notebooks. I still wish I had kept them. 
  10. I used to want to be A) a ballerina, B) an architect (like my uncle) or C) an interior designer

BONUS: I can’t drive- I mean I took drivers ed for 9 weeks in high school but that was years ago and I have never driven since and don’t want to until I have kids. Or can’t stand the bus anymore…

I hope you liked this and maybe we have some things in common or you learned something new about me!

Liebster award from A Blissful Haven

I’m honored to have received the Liebster Blog Award from a new follower and blog I intend to follow A Blissful Haven. I am so excited to be nominated and be back to blogging consistently now and see what this new year brings.

The Liebster Award is an award given from bloggers to bloggers and Alexis nominated me when she found my blog. The Petite Mrs is still trucking along and I will not give up! I have some great supporters by my side now and I appreciate every single person who takes the time to read my words.

11 questions from Alexis

1. Why did you start blogging?
I began blogging fall of 2010 a year after our wedding when I wanted to document our new lives together. I wrote mostly about day to day and what I was up to with school and such.

2. If you could be a character from a TV show who would it be? Why?
I would be Summer from The OC. She has a lavish life and not many problems…..

3. What is your favorite flower?
White roses of course. Our wedding flower, or if not- I like lotus too. I have one as a tattoo!

4. Where is your favorite place to blog?
Outside in the sunshine or at a coffee shop is nice too. I don’t get to a lot since it’s usually rainy.

5. What is your favorite thing to make?
I love to make stuffed bell peppers with beef and extra veggies stuffed inside like a frittata,

6. What is your style and what is your favorite thing to wear?
I wear for comfort. Jeans, T- shirts, long sleeves and chunky sweaters. BOOTS!

7. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Italy by far! I want to go there on vacation so bad just to see where my ancestors and family lived.

8. Describe the best evening ever.
I would love to take time and enjoy getting ready, have a nice outfit all laid out, find a hairstyle and makeup routine that I like. I would go to a nice restaurant-maybe a new place to experience. And then a wonderful night cap. Maybe a place to dance or theater and a show. Then a relaxing bath afterwards with bubbles. Last but not least, some “love action” and off to ZZZZZland… 🙂

9. What is your secret obsession?
I love to A) watch PLL and B) eat food (particularly sweets) and C) I love my husband.
Take your pick!

10. What do you do to relax?
Watch tv, read a book, blog, listen to music on pandora or music choice, going for a drive with friends or take a bubble bath.

11. What is your dream career?
It used to be a psychologist but I cannot seem to get through the mathematics required for that work which is just stupid. I would still like to work with children- maybe in the same capacity with trauma counseling, maybe as a volunteer at a shelter or trauma center of some sort. I also love office work, to organize and file and answer calls- makes my heart flutter.

11 random facts about me:

1. I love homestyle food! Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, spinach, rolls that type of thing.

2. I take Aleve because usually nothing else works for headaches and Tylenol makes me sick.

3. I hate water but I’m working on making a habit of drinking more.

4. I usually break out in dance when a song I like comes on the radio

5. I took dance classes for 17 of my 26 years- yep I was about 9 when I started

6. I’m a very dedicated and loyal friend. I will drop everything for any of my friends…

7. I used to design the heck outta my MySpace page, yes I was obsessed with it.

8. My favorite color(s) are turquoise/teal and lavendar. I can never decided which I like more.

9. I always used to make up lyrics to my own songs in my room when I was younger (wish I had written them down)

10. My senior project was about suicide prevention and I featured my own poetry and prose about my fathers death and how I coped.

11. I love to shop- I wanna be a personal shopper but I have no fashion industry sense.

11 questions for my nominees:

1) whats your first memory as a young child?

2) whats your favorite scent and why?

3) If you lived on a desert island- what 3 things would you bring with you and why?

4) What is your favorite school subject and why? Least favorite?

5) Favorite candy?

6) Best trait about yourself or your personality?

7) What grinds your gears (makes you mad/angry/frusterated)?

8) Do you prefer coffee/tea/soda or water?

9) If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

10) Whats your middle name? (I am always curious about this one!)

11) TV or Books? Why? Favorites?

Thanks again ladies and have fun writing your posts