Tag Archives: family

5 ways my kids will be raised better (than I was)

I had a great childhood and that’s not to say that I didn’t havea complicated home life. Some things I look back on now and say, hmm I wouldn’t handle it like that if I was them. I know it was especially a different time-I mean the 90’s it was like pre electronics era and really at all. I remember my dad having a bulky work cell and that was it. I didn’t have a ipod or a computer/laptop of my own and I certainly didn’t know what the internet was until I was like at least 10, 12 maybe. We had it at school but I just never thought much of it as a kid. Anyway, I just remember it being such a simplier time and it seemed so effortless to be a kid and let alone probably even easier than it is now as a adult.

This got me to thinking a while back about if I could change or redirect a few things about growing up in my family- What would I change and how would I change it? My parents were truly wonderful for years and usually if I mention a short coming to my mother- she just basically says it’s too late to change it now, well yes and I’m glad that I grew up healthy and safe but what if you really could turn back time or even, what would you do differently with your own kids? Well you’re about to find out how I’d change my future kids lives by being better than my parents were to me. 
1. NO SPANKING

I never cared for A) being spanked or B) how it felt afterwards. I was scared, semi traumatized, afraid of the next time and made me afraid of my parents in a sense too. I never felt like I had the oppurtunity to tell them what happened before I was caught. I never felt open and safe enough to go to them with problems. I was only ever spanked with a bare hand or belt once. (Usually over my pants and over the knee swat) But again, I was then terrified of my dad for awhile and teared up every time I saw him that week. Later on I had a few chores as a teen but I never minded it because when I lived with my dad, he was so open and relaxed. 
2. BEING GROUNDED

If I had it my way I would have been grounded. I was never grounded and so back to point one, I got punished instead. I think I would have honestly learned more if I was, but I don’t know if my parents were busy or just too relaxed (and I had strict parents in the neighborhood). Being grounded for me would have entailed no tv, no friends, no going out, more chores (of which I had none really) and eventually no computer when we finally had one at home. I would  have been tortured and actually maybe learned from my mistakes. I was a good kid 80% of the time and just pristine in comparision to some other kids my parents knew or saw. So they took me for granted and let it all slide a little too much. 

3. NO HIDDEN SECRETS/NO LIES

I was also usually last to know things, beings that I was a child for most of it-it makes some sense. But all it did was make me feel very left out and disheartened. I found out that my parents were divorcing last, on the night of the “big fight”. It was a horrible violent loud night I don’t ever really talk about. For a ten year old it was hard to hear lots of fighting/yelling/cussing/name-calling. That was not the norm in our family. My oldest sister found us when I was about 10 as well- I knew last, when I turned 13. I was glad that I found out eventually but I doubt she would have told me ever if my mom had kept it from me longer. Also I moved around a lot and I found out much later that if I hadn’t been taken in by my sister, I would have ended up in foster care-thank god that didn’t happen. I would have aged out & that would have been very sad and hard for me. 

4. FAMILY MEETINGS

We never had family meetings as a kid and never sat down to talk about anything in a group. I think communication was lacking in our family-like a lot. I guess we had it somewhat but I never had a boys talk, a sex talk or a drugs/alcohol talk so my parents dropped the safety ball. Somehow I feel like I could have been a better kid and less of a nasty teenager if I had had the openness with my parents. It would have ironed out a lot of issues and had my parents tried counseling their marriage may have lasted longer as well. They kept their personal relationship very private from us kids/teens. It was sorta weird like a big facade, which in the end was sorta true.

5. SCHEDULE/PARTICIPATE SPORTS/ACTIVITIES

Now my sisters’ families do an awesome job at this but I would keep my children so busy that they don’t have time to be obsessed with technology (like I am now) and too busy for boys, bad influences, drugs, alcohol and swearing. It would be a beneficial thing and everything good would come from it. I was never “busy” enough and I took dance and was always with friends or sitting in front of the tv for hours. I just wouldn’t allow my kids to be like that. Anything my kids wanted to do I’d support them as long as they were doing something and not up to no good or missing on my watch. Structure is super important and having grown up with next to none, now I too believe how needed it is for young kids. 

6 things I’m thankful for…

It’s a wonderful thing to be thankful and grateful in this day and age. It’s needed to stay genuine in this high paced life we live in, we miss out on the little pleasures and the ‘things that really matter’. I see thankful lists go around so often and yet I don’t participate as much as I should. These points need to be acknowledged by you to the person you’re directing them at though more importantly. This season can easily bring out the best or worst  in everyone no matter who you are-it’s an easy  trap to fall into. But  just take a moment and reflect on your life as I share what I’m truly thankful things I have in my life…..

1. family 
One thing I always remember about Thanksgiving is the three F’s: Food, Family, Fun. I would be surrounded by loved ones and feel genuinely cared about (that has since changed, mostly) and replaced my thoughts with selfish wants and needs. I adored the catered food and family who flew in to be there seemed like such a big deal. The smiles and warm hugs saying hello and saying goodbye again a few hours later. It was a busy holiday growing up and I have very fond memories of it- that’ll never change but I was no naive kid either; I saw the favoritism and disconnect that often drifted my way in some facet or another. It was a lovely time but looking back now it’s slightly greyed into a fantasy that seems real only in my dreams.

2. friends
My friends have always been a huge part of my world. The ones who were there from cradle to grave and the other who only came for a phase or season of my life so far. I am serioiusly thankful and grateful to them for all the lessons learned and great times they all gave me and the bad times too. Late nights, inside jokes, laughter and tears, moving away and moving back, college to marriage and kids for some of you. And next to my blogging friends- you are some of the most amazing people I have never met in real life. I’m thankful for the hours of input and advice and endles chatting this year especially –you know who you are– Thank you ladies! Here’s to being there when we needed each other and what’s still to come in our futures. 
3. pets
This may seem a little strange but I am thankful for my pets. Bouncer and Maggie have been with us the longest of all the dogs we have had in the past- these two just light up our worlds daily. From anything as simple as a grumpy growl or a wag of a tail or a snoring Maggie in the covers or when they sneak-fart and then you smell it. It’s the small things in life and they keep us on our toes. We’ve been through a lot together, a few moves and lots of changes and down-time, I love them like our own children and for now, they are just that-our treasures.
4. blogging
A hobby. It’s becoming so much more to me lately. I am still in consistent but I’m going to work on it and not mention it anymore because heck, no one is perfect and if it looks like it’s perfect then you probably pay for some extra help (not possible in my case). I have been putting more visually into my blog and much more effort on each post and within sharing and posting each one carefully. I want to expand and start being a more useful blog and widen my horizons. But that takes time so please stay patient with me for awhile while I build and create more content in coming months. 
5. health
I am so thankful and blessed that even without medical and dental coverage I am  reasonably  healthy. I’m sure I’m not the most on top of it health wise, I have some bad habits and I need to just generally care for my body and health/fitness more so on a steady basis-BUT I’m okay and I’m by no means in declining health for any reasons. Although I have lots of dental work to be done but I did that one to myself (bad habits, die hard…. no fun!). 
6. happiness
Overall 2015 has been okay, although I’m over it. I need a fresh start again and a new year to improve upon myself- shake off any negative parts of the year, grow and move on. I learned a lot again this year and although things were mild I think we are at a much better place now than we were then. I am a work in prigress and as long as I don’t quit working on myself then I’m not a lost cause (not that I think I am, but we all have our personal downfalls). I’m finally happy with where we live, our marriage is wonderful and developing more each day (not perfect-but heck, who’s is??), I love my family, friends and dogs, I am growing more into my blog and building what I have created over almost 6 years and I am happy with my life. 
This is the best feeling right about this time of year. I won’t be taking any of it for granted- things could always be worse and we always get through it!
Thank you for reading this and contiinuing to support me here on The Petite Mrs.!

belated (fathers day)

Today is a day that to me is very treasured and hard at the same time. Why do you ask? Because while most people are making breakfast, giving cards, going fishing and camping and handing their dad new golf clubs- well I’m home and missing my dad who I lost very greatly. It’s hard to know he’s not here physcially but with me spiritually and I’ll always have the memories with him and hold them sacred. I believe deep in my heart, despite my life events it’s a holiday that we need to spend with our fathers and celebrate every single thing they do with us and for us.
So I wanted to pay some homage to my own dad and what all memories I have with him..

My father is such an integral part of my life. What is a girl without her daddy? I will always have a missing piece. A father is supposed to be there from day one- cutting the cord, teaching her how to ride a bike, watching her recitals, teaching her how to fish and camp, attending her graduation and walking her down the aisle and should be in that waiting room when she brings you your new grandchild. But mine wasn’t. I’m missing him so badly today and yes, I can get through my days okay now after 13 years but it will always hurt. Granted everyone sayd remember the good times and I belive in God so I know he’s watching over me and with me every time I think of him but it’s just not the same. I wanted to post this on Fathers’ Day  but I just was a quiet pile of goo on that day and couldn’t get it out to finish until now. I hope you enjoy this, relate to this or can feel my emotions in some way. I love to share my loss with others who find it hard so know  I’m always here for you, if you need me.  
I love you daddy.

Matriarch of the family-RIP Grammy

Marsha B.L (and I am shortening for personal reasons but if you follow me it won’t matter) was an amazing woman. I feel terribly it took me so long to realize that and get to her side. She worked hard, raised her children, deeply loved her husband, supported causes/organizations close to her heart and knew how to have fun and travel tirelessly. One thing I know about my grandmother is she was difficult in a special sort of way. She knew how to love on her terms, her way and if she didn’t agree with you- she sure would tell you just that. She was bold, fearless, intelligent, worldly and classy. We didn’t always have a great relationship but we did have wonderful days spending time together when I was younger. She taught me a great deal and showed me parts of the world (art, gardening, cooking/baking, politics, travel, business etc) I would have never known. I miss her a ton and know now (yet, despite circumstances) I would have done things differently. I would have loved her through it and never taken a moment for granted. One rough patch we had was about the loss of my father and placing blame or responsibility and now I know-it was never about me but always about her heartache, missing her husband and then her son as well. And for that I will own the bond we shared loving two people we lost too early. Well now she can join them again and let her heart be whole once more. She is among the Angels now and I’m sure they guided her to her seat in heaven.

RIP Grammy. 
Forever in our hearts. 

sunday social 7/13/14

1. Tell us about the family you grew up in, parents, siblings, grandparents. 

I grew up in a standard family structure. Mom, Dad, two older sisters and an older brother who lived with my grandparents/friends. Then I also found out when I was 13 that I had a long lost, adoptee sister who had just found us. It was great. My family was always wonderful and my parents sadly didn’t survive and divorced when I was 10 also.


2. Tell us about your husband, fiancé, boyfriend, significant other. 

My husband is the person who saved me from drowning within my life… if that makes any sense. He saved me. My sanity. All of it. His name is Sean and we have been together for 5 years in September 2014. He is currently working at Dominoes Pizza (his new job, for now- not his life long dream but will pay the bills etc).
He just came home today and told me that they want him to start training for manager experience so he can be at his own store eventually! He just started 3 days ago! HOW COOL!?!? I’m so excited for him and our new journey….


3. Tell us about your children. If you don’t have children, talk about your fur children. 

We have two dachshunds named Bouncer (boy) Maggie (girl). They are amazing dogs, not so well trained or behaved but we are still working on that. Bouncer is 2 and Maggie is 1 and a half. 

4. Tell us about your best friends. How long have you known them? How did you meet?

I have a few VERY VERY geat friends but in my personal life, I have abused the words “best friend” so I will not use them today. I have a couple wonderful ladies that are constantly in my life and circle. I do not know what I’d do without them.
Stevie: I have known her for 4 years since right after I was married. Let’s just say we bonded over the same enemies. We met online and we have been super uber close ever since. We took a fun trip together to the beach and we have tons of inside jokes. She’s the peanut to my butter and the crutch to my broken ankle- which for her happens a lot (KLUTZ). 
Victoria: 4 years as well. I met her through a ex-friend of mine and through blogging, she got me into it and I will forever be grateful that Igot the best hobby ever because of her. I cannot believe I have been doing this for so long and I owe it all to her. She is a wonderful person who has made me grow up so much that needed to happen and I love her honesty and light way she looks at life. She is an encouraging person and is always there for me when I need her.  

5. Tell us about any other special people in your life. 
Tausha Wierlo: She’s an amazing person, woman, mother and wife. I do not even know her a sliver of how I wish I did but we do text often and email pretty frequently too. We comment and stay in touch and I just wish we lived in the same state. Maybe one of these days we can meet face-to-face and be IRL friends! I love her blog you have got to check it out and tell her I sent ya here
Kerri Waller: I found her through a tweet I got from her and she was the sweetest ever. I have had several converstaions with her and the more we talk almost daily- the more we find we have in common. From movies and TV to morals and family life and our pasts, its kinda uncanny to find such a great friend thats so much like me. I love her dearly and so glad we have bonded over the last month or so, hope our friendship can continue to grow and stay strong!
Erin: This lady. This beautiful soul. She is phenomenal. I’ll tell you one thing she is the epitome of who I’d like to be in my walk through faith. She has a gracious heart and she knows how to speak to you and make you feel so at ease. I have had several converstaions with her via chats and emails and she has eased my worried heart and calmed my mind on more than one occasion. I love her to pieces and I can’t get enough of her!