I always wanted kids growing up. I wanted to be married at 21, first kid by 23 and second kid or third kid by 25 or 26. I thought I had planned every step out.It was a priority for me to be a stay at home mom like my mother was. She took care of the house and did it all. And to think back on it now, I wasn’t very thankful at the time. Now I realize how much it really takes just to live and get on day to day with kids.
kids are expensive
Having children is expensive- like thousands; maybe even a couple hundred thousand over their lifetime. *A birth without complications can be something like $1900 for a vaginal birth and when you’re talking emergency C section or something goes really wrong, your bill could shoot straight up to almost $10,000 (or more).The average in america for the price of an uncomplicated birth is $3500. With vaginal complications you’ll be shelling out an even $6900 as if it were a C-section.* Even if you have insurance and low co-pays (good coverage etc) you’re gonna pay a lot of money. After that, literally every step of their life you are spending money on them. From birth to the day they leave your house and sometimes longer if they decide to live at home longer or need more help. However it does depend on your provider and type of insurance- I have heard higher claims and lower claims. It’s still a LOT of money.
*based on 2011 study by Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality Healthcare Cost and Utilization Project*
you can’t do what you want when you want
Once you have a baby your freedom lessens. I’d say it disappears but that may be unfair to parents who can do-it-all. But the way you manage your time is never the same. You cannot just get up and go because when you have a kid, the child goes everywhere you go. If you have no babysitter or significant other that can share the responsibility-then date night, study sessions and having any kind of functional social life is near impossible. I like being able to make decisions on a dime and not have to pack a diaper bag or car seat before we take off and go. Not having to second guess my plans or my curfew. Or even calling up a friend for childcare help because I have a final the next morning. I want to be able to go get my hair and nails done when I want without worrying. I’m a slightly selfish person when it comes to material things ok, at least I can admit it. I want to keep my freedom and self reliance. Without kids there isn’t as much planning involved. I just have more wiggle room in general.
I’m selfish (kinda the same thing but not)
I want to do what I want when I want, Period. End of story. I don’t want to have to worry about a child being in the middle of all my plans. It makes everything have another layer of complication. Granted we have two doxies and they are a handful already. And if we ever traveled they’d either A) come with or B) we’d have to arrange a sort of stay for them just like kids. But dogs are still less maintenance than children. People will argue with me over that- I don’t wanna hear the comparisons.
I don’t want to raise a child, I don’t enjoy kids sometimes
I don’t want the responsibility and life long dedication it takes to raise up a kid from infancy to adulthood, 18+years which is now more like 21+ years with general cost of living and more. Schooling is very expensive as well with clothes, supplies and sports. You could go broke with those costs yearly alone. It’s crazy to me that more of this isn’t just covered by the school or somehow funded already. It costs nearly a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child at last estimate. That is a lot of McDonalds. That’s most of a down payment on a house. I mean c’mon people-kids are wonderful but that’s huge. It’s like, You WIN “flip a coin: a kid or a house?” How crazy is that?!
You cannot guarantee your child’s’ attitude and behavior and I wouldn’t want a bratty, horrible kid. I couldn’t tolerate it. I tend to believe things are set in stone. You are supposed to teach your child how to behave and how to function in the world. That’s what parenting is- and I don’t feel like I’d make a good one. I’m still learning myself and failing quite a bit. Once a child is ruined in every capacity- they just are and there’s no going back. And that is then, your fault. I don’t want to ruin a child or a whole life for that matter. That kind of disappointment in the kid and in yourself would stick with you for life.
When we were first married, it was constantly “when are you having kids?” “why wait?” “how much money do you have saved?” That was back when we initially wanted kids right away and unbeknownst to anyone- we tried for a short time. Now that we have flipped the script and decided against kids several years later, everyone can’t stop and won’t stop pressuring us about when we are having kids. It’s so shameful to think that people pressure others into having kids for the wrong reasons. In the end, it’s my body and our choice as to when and if we have kids. Besides that, we are trying to be responsible by not jumping into something we aren’t ready for. Shouldn’t people be proud of us for that instead? Financially speaking- we’ve been selfish, careless even because we chose to and that’s no mentality for having a baby. For right now and the foreseeable future, we are happy being a two person, two dog family. They [our dogs] fulfill our lives in ways that couples with kids feel. We have a lot of the same triumphs and similar hardships. Our life is just perfect for us and our fur-kids.
How did you decide you were ready for kids? Did you always want them or did you change your mind along the way? Did you ever get pressured one way or the other? I hear it’s quite common..
Thanks for reading and hopefully relating to my story